Thursday, August 4, 2011

I Can't Believe Whitney Houston Called Again

"Hello?"

"Hello, Brad, it's been a while."

"Who is this?"

"You know who it is."

"..."

"..."

"What can I do for you, Whitney?"

"Freud wrote that in some cases we can obtain the sense of the dream only by subjecting the dream content to manifold inversion in different directions. Do you follow?"

"Well -- "

"For example, in the dream of a young patient, say you yourself, Brad, suffering from a compulsion neurosis, the memory of an infantile death-wish against a dreaded father was hidden behind the following words..."

"..."

"..."

"What are the words?"

"Just think for a minute: which one of our dreams has led who to become an internationally renowned artist with a cultural cache destined to outlive her by at least a generation and more likely two or three, and who sleeps poorly and has a copy of Kafka's diaries 1920-1923 on his toilet tank?"

"Wait, what?"

Click.

"Hello? Hello?"

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Lost Whitney Houston Poem

The Greatest Love of All

The phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Singer, actress, film producer, model, mother."

"Um. Whitney?"

"My accomplishments extend over multiple artistic disciplines and plumb the depths of human experience. The range of emotions felt by me and the past two decades is akin to being at the rail on the cruise liner and spotting the iceberg, drawing closer."

"I -- "

"It is also the iceberg itself, the massive weight and bulk, the cold. The centuries of existence, stoically accreting experience, love, loss, like layers of ice until I can pierce a steel hull, send thousands to their deaths."

"Well -- "

"As the unemployment rate rises to edge nearer and nearer to 8% in the month of January alone, I consider the new line on my roster of accomplishments, the reformed addict."

"That's good."

"You have no idea -- the bombed-out hollowness, the hypocrisy (say no to drugs, indeed -- after the first round of refusal, capitulation increased and it was wonderful, wonderful), the gist, Brad, is this: the lows and depths have only served to reinforce my death-grip on popular consciousness, the history of this country and the world."

"Whit -- "

"My name recognition increases. More people know me and my accomplishments, my trials and tribulations than ever before. I am larger than Patton. I am larger than Churchill. Joan of Ark is losing ground steadily."

"Uh -- "

"None of this is even my doing. I am iceberg-big, my depths are frozen. I don't even need to try anymore, such is the scope of my life and name. Nothing you do matters. You will outlive me in only the strictest sense. You are puny, hopeless. When I die, there will be a crater in your hive mind and heart, my death will be Chicxulub, my death will be millennial Black Death."

Then she hung up.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Monday, August 31, 2009

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Friday, August 21, 2009